Layoff Skullduggery

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STAY ONE STEP AHEAD OF THE MAN. NOW YOU’RE BULLETPROOF!
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A humor book dedicated to the devoted, hard-working souls out there constantly subjected to this horrible economy and the stress, indignities, abuse, and family pressures that have accompanied it. Layoffs are rampant. But here are some basic goofball tactics that will confound your supervisory opponents and have them frantically combing through company policy manuals to find a rational response.
There are official announcements and unsettling rumors of ongoing layoffs swirling around in every, city, state, industry, profession and government principality. They are designed to rattle your psyche and give you a sense of uncertainly and helplessness. But fear not. A counter-insurgency of determined survivors with the specialized knowledge to escape the sharp blade of the ax and gloomy glue of the pink slip has arisen among us. Operatives are making some smooth moves on the Man (and Woman) that keep them one step ahead of the shakeout. Now you can make those same moves.
     
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Sparky

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Houston’s Mayor and City Council have announced the layoff of 238 firefighters in 45 days. Laying off firefighters? Unbelievable! If they go through with the vote, the least they could do is come by the fire station to thank little Sparky for many years of dedicated service as fire engine mascot.

When they get inside, let them know because of budget cuts, you had to get rid of little Sparky and bring in two temps. Lock the door behind you so the group can get better acquainted.

   

As an old Vietnam vet and workplace Traditionalist, you know when your team goes out into battle to pitch a major account there’s a lot on the line.

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Nap

If you see things going sour, tip out of the meeting and head back to headquarters. Take your regular nap out in the open where the boss can see you. That way, when the team gets back with the horrible news, he’ll know you had nothing to do with it.

 

Freedom

 

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Sometimes on Fridays, companies invite you to a working lunch to announce who will be laid off and who will stay.
If you’re from a foreign country with a different culture, you should be aware of your rights. America is a free country. They have no business trying to tell you which lunch pail to bring your sandwich in or the drink with which you prefer to wash it down.

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National Layoff Update

 
 

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